Project #4

The Russian's Last Night.

So here is the scoop: There was a murder last night. Some guy named Boris was shot, low caliber Novelist from Russia only been in the country six months. Took place at this dive called Sticky's Bar and Crab Shack, apparently their motto is "The only place in town you can get crabs 'til 2am". The body was found in the dumpster behind the bar this morning by the owner Sticky himself. We have five suspects in custody.

Sticky- owner of the place, dwarf with a lisp.
Mimi- Sticky's cousin,part time waitress at the joint and stripper at the Pink Pussycat about a mile down the street, definitely not the girl next door type.
Karl- Mimi's boyfriend, extremely jealous, 45 year old Real Estate Agent, Wanted in 3 states under Former name Joseph Wilcox.
Karen- Bartender, resident Bull dyke, former Roller Derby Champion-banned from the sport for being too aggressive(didn't know that was possible), apparently has crush on Mimi and has threatened Karl numerous instances.
Jerry- Trucker, just passing through, small body stature, glasses, on his way to California.

As it was a slow night at Sticky's these were the only people at the bar last night. We have received alibis from all five...

Mimi: I was working at Sticky's until closing last night. After we closed I refilled the mints on the bar and cleaned up the dirty plates from the tables. I went into the Kitchen and found Karl then we talked for a few minutes then I gave him a blow job and then continued with my work. I worked on the entree and dessert list for the next day and finally went over the guest checks for the night and went home with Karl at about 3:45 am.

Karl: Most partners in a relationship with jealousy issues are notorious for infidelity. I am no different. Last night I hired a prostitute after leaving Mimi at the bar. Though I might be a jealous and overbearing boyfriend it is only because of my own guilt and insecurity. I entered the brothel and was taken back to a room prepared for me. Being that I have a food fetish, I requested that the area be set up like a kitchen. I find few things as satisfying as throwing a filthy whore onto a tray full of carefully prepared appetizers as she uses a cheese grater to fulfill my sadistic fantasies. I had paid in advance for a four hour session. Only when I am in the arms of a strange woman on a tray table does the mundane life of real estate escape my mind and I feel free.

Sticky: I wath at my publithers. I'm writing a book on being a dwarf in todayth thothiety.We were picking out coverths. I think the brown book will look better than the blue. I left the bar at about 6:30 after thith drunk bitch threw her glath half way acroth the bar at thith guy. She got ithe and Coke everywhere. After our meeting I went to the thtore to pick up thome more paper. I have a great idea for my nektht book. Picture this: "Dwarfth owning thier own Buthineth". Thpeaking of which can I borrow your pen, I need to write thome notesth.

Jerry: Yeah I was at Sticky's last night. They have those stupid crab shaped coasters. What a fucking slum. You know that they sell water in a wine bottle there? The drinks are so watered down it's like scotch at a cheap seaside wedding. the only thing worse than the drinks is the people in that shit hole. And to be honest, I ain't surprised that someone got axed there. I seen the guy you're talking about. He was probably some sort of vile street scum doing some business under the table part-time. But I ain't got no reason to kill him. I left Sticky's early because something didn't settle right in my stomach. I remember puking in the shitter while someone was getting sucked off in the next stall. I headed back to my truck around 9:15 and stayed there all night sleeping. I don't have time to waste. I have to get to Californ-i-a for a settlement with my ex-wife. That woman drinks so much that wine glasses litter her living room like red plastic cups at a frat house. I hope she doesn't impale herself on a glass stem before I get to that bitch.

Karen: I was behind the soda machine before working necking with Mimi dreading the task at hand when I saw a strange man with a million straws in his hand throwing them into the wall. I was shocked so I went to work set up menus and trays and ate an entire crab I named Karl Jr. After work I went home and took care of some business with a picture of Mimi on the computer. Then I sat on my porcelain throne dropping the new Cosby kid Karl off at the pool.

Who did it?